Now for what to you have been waiting for..... The Replies... I will add more tomorrow. I had a busy day today and was only able to answer a few but I promise I will put the rest up... Enjoy and don't forget about Confession Thursday's!
What is it that your heart desires? What is it that you want out of life? The things that YOU want are these things that YOU can provide for yourself? These are questions that we have to ask ourselves.
You’ve said that you have been in a relationship for the last four (4) years and the love that you once felt for your partner is no longer as strong as it was in the beginning. So in other words you love your partner but you are not in love and you are wondering if you stay around longer can you fall back in love with him?
My answer: It is possible. Since I am not aware of all the details of your relationship or the causes of you falling out of love with your partner… I can say that you have some hope in restoring the love. I believe that all relationships have room for improvement and saving ONLY if both parties are willing to do what they have to do to save it.
This could be a situation where you are not in love with him and he is head over heels about you. Since I don’t want to assume anything my advice is to take a nice weekend vacation somewhere and do things that you would not normally do. Try timeshare promotions to different places. You can take a 5 day 4 night all inclusive vacation to Mexico, Aruba, even Hawaii for about $399 depending on where you want to stay. Once there, go out for drinks, if you go to the beach take a nice long walk and talk. I have found that by getting your partner out of their element, they tend to open up more.
The best part about it is that not only do you get a vacation out the deal you also get to rekindle and ignite that fire in your relationship. Also it will feel like how things were in the beginning when you were excited about learning something new about your partner.
Loveless, I wish you the best of luck. If this doesn’t work, only you know what is best for you.
Dear End the Marriage or Work it Out,
This was a tuff one for me. I am not sure what to say. I will NEVER advise someone to leave their mate and I would NEVER advise them to stay either. I am not sure of the dynamics of you relationship. I can only hope that you will find away to make things work so that no one would get hurt.
People have often said that the grass is not greener on the other side so with you wanting to end things you need to know why and what you hope to gain by leaving.
My advice: Is to take a piece of paper and place a line down the middle. On one side write all the things that your mate does wrong or have done wrong. On the other I want to write all the things that your mate does well or what he does to make you happy.
Flip the paper over, make another line down the middle and right behind all the things he done wrong write down why you want to leave him. On the other side it should be all the reason why you married him in the first place.
If one side out weighs the other side (I hope it’s the good side) you need to reevaluate your situation and come up ways to make it work. Take the advice that I gave Loveless and take a vacation and rekindle what was lost. Cheating is like a drug. It gets you high for a little while and has you on cloud nine but when it wears off…. (When you have to leave) so does that high.
Be sure that whatever decision you make is what you want to do and does not effect to many people.
Dear Where’s the love?
Men are crazy, LOL what more can I say. No but seriously, your relationship is fairly new and I am not sure why he has lost interest and is not doing the things that he once did before. Men like a challenge. So in the being it was a challenge to impress you and win your heart and now that he has it, he might feel like he doesn’t have to do those things anymore.
I have found that men are not very emotional people and they are not as we would say “in touch with their feminine side.” Women need to hear “ I Love You” and most men do not know how to vocalize that emotion. We actually prefer to hear it more than have the person show it. My advice is to show a different side of youeself. Men are predictable and they often think they know everything there is to know about their mate.
The secret is to show him no love! Yes you are reading correctly. Pay him no attention, go out with your friends and have a good time. The moment he thinks that it’s another man occupying your time the quicker he will get back on his job. You are his women and he will be willing to fight for you…. Now this may not work for everyone. So try it out for a week or two. If it start to cause any problems within your relationship STOP….. I don’t think you heard me STOP we would come up with another plan. Lol
I wish you the best of luck and have fun!
Dear Once a Cheater always a Cheater,
You made me take a step back. I had to think long and hard about the advice that I wanted to give you. I could be doing homework or cooking and I was thinking of a ways to answer your question. After thinking about your situations for a few days I think I finally came up with the perfect advice for you. As I have stated before, I will NEVER tell you to leave your partner and I will NEVER tell you to stay. What I need is for you to answer a question for me. What is your self worth? You need to think long and hard about this question.
You see me I am worth so much that I am priceless. Do you understand what I mean? Do you think you deserve the treatment that he is giving you? No one deserves to be cheated on although it happens from time to time. You are a goddess and should be treated as such. Have you ever wonder what do this other women have that you don’t? I am sure you did or do all the time. For one she has his heart. Honey….. you cannot control the matters of the heart.
We usually love the ones that don’t love us back and the ones that love us so much (which is what we need or say that we want) we won’t give them the time of day. Now I will not say that he don’t respect you, but it is obvious that he has a lack of respect for your relationship. Why are you second best when you are doing everything for this man? You cook, clean, and maybe wash his clothes but yet she gets all the fun. That is not fair. These are the things that you need to look at when making your final decision about what is best for you.
What’s funny is that we often ask god to send us a good man, or a sign that he is cheating, or a sign that you should up and leave and when we get these signs we often ignore them. Please look at the signs and ask yourself is this the way you want to continue living your life?, In the shadows of another women?
Whatever decision that you make I hope and pray that you come out on top. You can justify that he loves you more because he is sleeping in your bed or that he spends most of the time with you or when he is done with her, he comes back to you…. NOPE that won’t work!!! That is a bandage on an open wound. I see you coming out on top… You will be the last one smiling. You will be hurt for a while. But remember the same things that he is doing to you… he will do it to her.
I trust in my heart that you will find your way. Please keep me posted and I wish you the best of luck. Before I go,I wanted to make sure that I answer your question I do not believe that once a cheater always a cheater. I believe that if a person finds a person that treats them well and keep them happy then they will not stray away and will be more willing to do what needs to be done to make sure that the relationship work.
Dear Life isn’t fair,
You already know that life isn’t fair so there is really no need for me to tell you again. I know you have heard of the saying that all good things must come to an end and my friend it might be time. I understand that you cheated because you wanted something new and exciting. In the beginning things are always new and exciting just think about how your relationship was before with your partner.
If you want to stay with boyfriend number 1 find new ways to bring the excitement back t your relationship. If not you will be dealing with two problems instead of one. Take a break from boyfriend number 2 and try and place your focus on number 1 and see if things change. ~Good Luck
Dear What If,
Just like you, I often find myself thinking about what if this and what if that. I think that is what makes life so exciting. We can fantasize about the different outcomes of a situation. Most time things are better left unknown because when you do get a chance to find out, it is never really what we expected to be like for the second time around, so why spoil the fantasy? Cherish the moments that you have with this person. Maybe one day you could find out the answer to the questions that you seek.