Don’t open up to fast!

Women are very talkative and we try so hard to impress the person of the opposite sex. Especially on a date, we want to tell this man everything we have done in our lives and even fabricate a few things thinking it will help us earn more brownie points. 


Often times we don't realize that we are actually boring him and helping him lose interest faster. What ends up happening is that we tell him everything about ourselves on the first date that by the time the second date comes around (If there is a second date) he already know what he needs to know about you.... why? because you already told him. No one wants to go on a date where the person is talking non stop and wont allow you to get a word in. 


Also no one wants a date that is filled with silence. IF this should ever happen to you, and you still want to spend time with him the best place for you guys to go is to the movies. That way after the movie you can have something to talk about. Hints..... eliminating the dead air. The worst thing that could happen is that you have talked so much about yourself that he really doesn't care to share anything about his self with you. 

Never bring up pass relationships on your date: Think about it do you really want to know how much he loved his ex and all the things that she did wrong in their relationship. I don’t and neither does he. So that is a topic that should not come up….. Especially on the first date. If he happen to ask you “So what happened in your last relationship?”… It is best to just keep it short and simple. You should just say: Things didn’t work with us. We both were on different path and heading in different directions!” end of that topic…. NEXT

"Too many women tell intimate details of their lives way too soon. This is not only unwise, but also it doesn't work. No man wants to be the recipient of a therapy session upon first meeting you. No man wants to hear how wrong or messed up your life has been before he really loves you." ~ Taken from the "Rules"  

After the first date a man should only know the facts: your name, your profession, how many siblings you have, where you went to college, where you grew up and your favorite restaurant. I would even go as far as what type of movies you like.  I can hear your thoughts going a mile a minute trying to figure out how can your date be filled with only this information. 

This can help determine the things you have in common as well offer you a lot of room to explore his mind. Guess what... you two might have went to the same college. This way you guys can discuss what you liked and didn't like about that particular school. 

Remember the person who talks too much has the most to lose! I am not saying that you shouldn't talk... I am just saying don't talk to much.

Playing hard to get often pays off

So I am reading this book about dating and relationships and I must tell you that I walk around with it like it is my bible. Some of the “Rules” inside this book I agree with and the other things that I don’t agree with.  Someone once asked me if I were dating especially in this economy right now, what do I think is a good amount of time to go out on a date and see this person. I told her that he would have to see me 4 times a month.

I can see your face now…. You may be thinking that is not enough time to see someone that you are interested in and the other half think that this is the perfect amount of time. Think about it. There is 4 week in a month therefore if you see each other once a week then that equals 4 times a month correct? Out of those 4 outing 2 of those meeting should be a date and the other two times we could just hang out like go for a walk in the park or if your comfortable enough.. hang out at the person house. Just do something that doesn't cost a lot of money.  

Please keep in mind that this is a new phase and the status of your relationship has yet to gain a title. Now the book says that when you are dating someone in the first month you shouldn't see them more than once a week, the second month you shouldn't see him twice a week and so on. You pretty much get the picture.

I happen to agree with this 100% because it supports my theory. It’s amazing how this book was written in 1995 but yet the "Rules" apply in 2010. For a minute I thought I was the smartest person in the world having already known the "Rules" before I even knew it was a "Rule". I guess you are wondering why limit yourself from getting to know someone when you are really interested in them? Well the answer is simple: Keep him from getting too much too soon. Don’t make seeing you so easy, Men like a challenge so they harder they have to work for you the better it will be… At least you will know that he is really interested in you.

Keep in mind: Most men fall in love faster than women; they also fall out of love faster!

Why is your life on Repeat?

I can’t even count one hand how many people ask me why can’t they be loved right , why do they meet the same type/kind of person or why all my relationships end the time. No matter how much advice I give, it seems like the situations always ends the same way. I could never for the life of me understand why people ask you for your opinion and when you give it, it goes in one end and comes out the other.

I am slowly learning that everyone cannot handle or just don’t care for your advice. So this is the last time I am going to tell you my opinion about this situation. You have said that you are at a point in your life, where everything is working well and you are happy. You love yourself and you refuse to let anyone come and disturb your happiness but you will like to share your time with someone else.

When you meet people for some reason they always have issues. Instead of realizing that this is not what you need in your life YOU feel like you can help them with the problem which therefore brings drama in your life. It’s obvious that what this person is bring to the table you do not want to eat because you are going to have a hard time digesting the food. You refuse to see the signs and think that you have some magic to make everything different. This is incorrect.  Please take the time out to get to know this person and look at all the signs they are giving to you. If you guys have been talking for two weeks, there is no reason why he/she should be looking at your phone and regulating who should and should not be calling you. This is a sign.

If he or she is calling constantly asking where you are and have no intentions on seeing you but they need to know where you are at all times…. This is a sign that they are controlling and have insecurities.

Take a second and review all the things that you want and don’t want in your life. If you see these signs no matter how much you like this person talk about them and then decide from there if this is a relationship that you will like to continue. 

Good Luck!

Looking for love in all the wrong places

I can’t even count on one hand how many times I’ve heard “Why can’t I find a good man/woman” or “why do I keep attracting the same kind of person?” The answer is simple…. Are you ready for it? Brace yourself…. It’s because you are looking for this person and when you seek you shall find.

Have you ever heard the saying “A good man/woman is hard to find?” this is because you DON’T FIND THEM THEY FIND YOU! The best things in life are worth waiting for. When we go out and date the reason why we keep attracting the same kind of person, which is usually not right for us is because we are settling for the first thing that makes us comfortable. I can see your face now. Yes you do settled, you settle for what is familiar to you. If you like your partner to have a lot of money to spend on you, then there is a price to pay.

You usually have to give them sex (Which comes with time anyway, and it’s a bonus if its good), be disrespected (Which often comes later when he/she is comfortable with you and know your ways) and you guys don’t spend enough time together because he/she has to get that paper. But you settle because this is something that you are already used to.

Therefore you are willing to deal with the problem. The first thing that usually comes to mind is “Oh he/she is just like ______________ oh well I dealt with this before I am just going to ride it until the wheels fall off. Don’t get me wrong I am not saying that this is true all of the time but most of the time it is.

You have to take time out for yourself. You need to think about what you really want in a mate. If you have your TOP 5 list and if you keep in mind that you should not DATE WITHOUT A PURPOSE maybe….. Just maybe you will be one step closer in finding a mate that is right for you. Step out of your box and explore the world. (Not literally but open your dating options) “You never know” is what my daddy always says! The right person for you might be the person that YOU never thought would be right for you…..

Live a little….Happy exploring!

I'm Committed... What about you?

The year now is 2010 and so many things have changed. We have a high unemployment rate and people are still getting laid off. This economy is hurting just as bad as we are. This is just one of the reason why you should go out and VOTE. Often times I hear “my vote doesn’t count” but they do! All those people who complain that their vote doesn’t count are the first ones to complain about something that government is doing wrong. Help Fix the problem and go out and vote. I am committed and I hope you are too…. See you at the polls! Also don't forget to turn your ballot over and vote on term limits. :-)

Dating Without A Purpose.

By no means and I a relationship expert, but with my experience and knowledge along with the advice and experience from my girls, I think together we have some valuable information. The year now is 2010 and there should be no reason you should date without a purpose especially if you are looking for someone to spend the rest of your life and to build a family with. Often times we just settle for the first person that ask us out but we never really think about what he/she really has to offer besides a free dinner and conversation.

My advice is to create your Top 5. Your Top 5 is a list of things that you want in a person that you would not budge on. For example…. He/She has to be African American, has to be educated, have a good job and must like children. These might be a few things that is on your list. So if you meet a guy/gal today and you think they are cute go after them! A closed mouth doesn’t get feed but within the first 5-10 minutes of the conversation you should ask these questions.

Once this is done you need to evaluate the situations. You find the person attractive, they have a good job and are very well educated BUT they don’t like kids. Please do not continue this conversation and if you do….. don’t take it further than that. There is no need to exchange numbers because clearly they are not what you are looking for. You will come out the loser. 

It is obvious that you two are on two different pages. Keep in mind if they are telling you that they don’t want children now and don’t see any in their future but this is something that you want in your future. You are wasting your time and therefore dating without a purpose.

My point is, If you take the time out and make a realistic list you will be on the right path trying to find your perfect match. Happy Dating!

A Dedication to True Love: Sunrise 6.19.1990 - Sunset 9.11.2010

Every one grieves differently and so many people have told me that “Time will heal all” But I often ask myself “Am I waiting for something that might not ever come?” When 9/11 happened I was so sad but it didn’t really hit me hard because I didn’t lose anyone. But this year it hit me like a ton of bricks. My little sister Sharita Yates aka “Sauce Gurl” passed away. In June 2009, Sharita was diagnosed with Acute lymphocytic leukemia (ALL). ALL makes up 80% of childhood acute leukemia’s. Most cases occur in children ages 3 - 7. The disease may also occur in adults.

In acute leukemia, cancerous cells multiply quickly and replace normal cells. Cancerous cells take over normal parts of the bone marrow, often causing low blood counts.

Most cases of ALL have no obvious cause. However, the following may play a role in the development of leukemia:

·         Certain chromosome problems

·         Radiation exposure or being exposed to x-rays before birth

·         Past treatment with chemotherapy drugs

·         Receiving a bone marrow transplant

·         Toxins such as benzene

Sharita went through Chemo and finished her last treatment in December. Everything seems to be going well. Or so we thought. She went into remission and her cancer came back in the end of January. After going through Chemo and having radiation done on her full body she was still strong. She needed to do this to prepare for a Bone Marrow transplant.

Sharita got the Bone Marrow transplant August 12, 2010 (My son’s birthday) and was now in recovery. She was doing so well. Her skin was beautiful and She was just grateful that everything was going well. She had to spend 100 days in the hospital. She complained about missing the summer but the thought of being better and being able to do things later outweighed her grieve. As long as she had visitors, her cell phone and computer with internet access…… she was ok.

Her Bone Marrow never kicked in when we needed it to, she got sick in the hospital and everything went downhill from there. We all were so hopeful. I mean what family wouldn’t be? Sharita was a fighter and she fought until she could not fight no more. We lost a beautiful person on September 11, 2010. She may be gone but she will never be forgotten. May you rest in peace Rita Gurl and I dedicate my blog to you. You were always giving people advice on love. Although you were just 20 years old you had a lot of information to share with the world. I will love you forever!!!!!!

 Information about ALL has been provided by Medline Plus. To learn more about Leukemia I have provided some links below: 

http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/000541.htm, 

http://www.leukemia-lymphoma.org/hm_lls 

What do you have to offer?

Since I have been out the dating world for so long I forgot that there are rules and steps to be successful in the dating world. To me a relationship is like cooking a good dish. You need different ingredients, time and patience to make your perfect dish perfect. If you still don’t understand what I mean? Let me break it down. First you need to know what it is that you are cooking.

In other words what are you looking for in a person/mate? Let’s say we are baking a cake. You already know that you need milk, eggs, flour and butter. This can be related to what attributes you want this person to have. Do you want them to be charming, funny, shy, sensitive, honest and my number one favorite supportive?  These are things that you want them to bringing to the table. Your next question should be what do I have to offer? If he/she has the milk can I bring the eggs and flour?

Once all of the ingredients are mixed together it’s time to place the batter in the oven where the magic happens.  Over time and with the help of the of the heat (this is your attraction to the other person) your cake will begins to rise, once done you have a beautiful and delicious product. And this is where your time and patience plays a huge part. In order for something to work you have to take the appropriate steps and times in making it happens. If something is missing, your cake will not rise and it will not be good. 

Therefore once you find someone that peaks your interest take the steps to get to know them and build from there. This is something to think about the next time you are looking at potential people to be your mate.

Welcome

Welcome to my page that is based on Life, Love, Sex, Dating, 
Romance,Relationships, and the Power you have in controlling it. Inside my blog I will cover many of these aspects. You are more than welcome to post your comments and make suggestion about new and worthwhile topics. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for visiting and reading. Please be sure to follow me and check back for new post.